I’m sorry; could you repeat that? (July U.B.C. Day 2)

Menopause Graphic

I saw my gynecologist yesterday and learned that at 45, I am more than likely menopausal.  Not peri-menopausal, but through it.  All the way.  Done.  Finished.  I haven’t had time to suss out how that makes me feel yet, but over the past twenty-four hours, it’s been alternating between euphoria and despair.

I am euphoric that at last I have some idea why my moods have been so crazy for the last couple of years and why I can’t seem to lose these unwanted pounds.  Simultaneously, I despair at the feeling that my youth and prime is behind me, even though I know that is inaccurate and the years remaining to me can and will be my most productive.

When he first mentioned the word, all I could think was, nooooooooo!!!!  I’m only 45!  I can’t be through menopause!  Hot on the heels of those thoughts were ones more exciting and liberating:  I’m only 45, and I never have to buy feminine products again!  I never again have to worry about bloating or PMS!  I can wear white jeans whenever I want!  I have half a lifetime ahead of me to be just me without being at the mercy of my hormones!

Blood and hormone tests will confirm, so until then I am left to contemplate how I feel.





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