Tag Archives: the little things

Why Teenagers Occasionally Get It Right

 

Do teenagers have it right? Is sinking into your emotions, settling in among the swirling colored vortex surrounding you and whipping around you like a funnel cloud the way to make sense of things, the only real way to move safely through the angst and overwhelm of intense emotions?

I’m beginning to think so.

The universe seems to be speaking to me, and lately, in the precise moment I need something, it shows up.

A recent yoga class ended with an instructor anecdote about her son falling and hurting himself.  Listening, my brain started to tingle as she recounted how she had scooped him up and soothed him, not by simply holding him and allowing him to feel, but by jumping into the silence with words. As she repeated the phrase and advised that perhaps we shouldn’t be so quick to jump into the silence of feeling and fill it with words, I felt like a cartoon characters with an idea, the light bulb forming above my head.

My yoga and meditation practices have been expanding of late without much obvious emotional change (except my increased patience!), but a while ago I noticed an uncomfortable pressure in my right lower back, directly to the right of my sacrum.  It felt like nothing so much as my pelvis needing to crack.  

During this particular class, the sequences presented were heavy on twists and hip opening sequences, and as much as I wanted to cry uncle and rest in child’s pose, I fought to focus and breathe through the discomfort.

Then, in the midst of an opening twist sequence, I started to cry.  No dainty, dignified tears for me.  These tears flowed down my cheeks like salt rivers, dripping off my jawbone and soaking my neck and shirt before I’d even worked up much of a sweat.  I wanted to hide, to hang my head and wipe away the wetness, but instead swallowed and kept going, breathing through the certainty that everyone could somehow hear my tears.

I kept crying throughout the class.  It seemed as if every time I opened my mouth that day, I cried more.  Talking it through with my sister, I realized that the uncomfortable pressure in my back had started two days prior upon awakening from a disturbing dream. I couldn’t remember the dream, just the fear I felt upon waking, my heart pounding as if I had just been chased. I had been trying to  decipher what it meant, but I hadn’t allowed myself to settle into the emotions because they were frightening. I felt threatened. 

Towards evening, the pressure began to lessen a bit.  The light bulb switched on and I realized that by trying to deny the fear and sadness I felt after the dream, I had inadvertently caused all the negative energy to gather in a ball in my lower back.  Only when I settled into moving meditation did my unconscious mind take over and allow the energy to ove through my body to release.

So I do think adolscents have this thing right: settling into your emotions, allowing them to swell around you and envelop you, really does seem to be the only way to get through them without being consumed by them. It seems to be the best way to release them so you can move on.  

My back seems to think so, anyway.

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Hibernation

I’ve been absent from this space for the last couple of months because I’ve been hibernating.

One of the definitions of “hibernation” is “to withdraw or be in seclusion.”   Every January, I try to remove myself from the daily insanity of connectedness to discourse with myself and ensure that my life is proceeding in the direction I want and need.  I intended this year to be just the same, but as I moved through the holidays and January to jump back into my routine, I realized I needed to make it different. Continue reading

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What’s in a Name?

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Linus

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Sabrina

Since I brought home my new kittens last weekend, more than a few people have asked about their names, Linus and Sabrina.

When I decided to get a male and a female kitten, I went on a hunt for a good “couple” identity in literature or popular culture.  So many of those I tried out were wrong because the story ended tragically (Heloise and Abelard), so many were wrong because the names would overwhelm babies and be unacceptably shortened to nicknames unacceptable for the regal cats into which these babies will grow (Antony and Cleopatra), and others came up short as too pretentious (Paolo and Francesca).

Cue my dad.

Although he couldn’t remember the male character’s name, he suggested Sabrina as played by Audrey Hepburn (and Linus played by Humphrey Bogart).  A fabulous film with a happy ending for its protagonists.

Hence, the kittens were named.

Welcome to the world, babies!

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Truth

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Truth.

It’s a loaded word.  The concept seems simple, but there is nothing easy about it.  Even speaking the truth can be fraught with triggers and uncertainty.

What if I speak my truth and somebody doesn’t agree with me?  What if speaking my truth makes somebody else angry, or makes them feel betrayed, hurt?   What if it makes other people uncomfortable?

News flash… Continue reading

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The Desire Map

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Let’s talk about your life.

Do you feel free? Joyful? Connected?

Most importantly, does your life feel the way you want it to feel?

When I read The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte for the first time, my life was not feeling the way I wanted it to.

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The Void

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Recently I read an essay by Toni Hammer about the void that happens when you’re done having children. About halfway through the piece, I could feel a knot in my throat, tears rising behind my eyes. Why? Because I’ve been living in this void, unwilling, possibly unable, to admit it. Reading Ms. Hammer’s words brought me to my knees in recognition.

I grew up an only child until age 12, when my sister was born. The sizable gap between us ensured that we both experienced life more or less as only children with the undivided attention and devotion of our parents. I thought that was fine and that if I ever had a child, I only wanted one. Continue reading

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Hummingbirds

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Legend says that hummingbirds float free of time, carry with them our hopes for joy, celebration and love.  The delicate grace of the hummingbird reminds us that life is rich, that beauty is all around us, that every personal connection is meaningful, and that laughter is life’s sweetest creation.

This little beauty was kind enough to visit us on the day that my sister and I took our father on a zip-lining adventure to celebrate Fathers’ Day, providing me with a much needed reminder of life’s bounty and magic (and also reminding me that I desperately needed to invest in a serious long-range lens for my camera!).

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Transformation, Mile Marker 1.1

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As anyone with school age children knows, the end of summer is a busy time, with back-to-school planning and shopping, and last minute adventures designed to squeeze the last moments of fun out of the warm weather before the routine of school days takes over. Two weeks ago, I started the book Chakras for Beginners by David Pond. Two weeks it took me to finish a book with 158 pages of text. Another week plus to write this post, which I’ve broken into two posts, as I don’t feel right about burdening anyone with a “short” essay of over 2,000 words. Then another week or more to edit for myriad reasons, all legitimate, but when I put them down on paper, they come across as nothing so much as excuses.

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Joy

Joy is a natural consequence of love and acceptance.

Joy is a natural consequence of acceptance and love.

As we head into the long Labor Day weekend, I’ve been thinking about acceptance and joy.  As I work my way through this journey towards a more joyful life, towards finding the most joy and happiness in my life, I am discovering that the more I accept myself – and that includes my past, my failures, my mistakes, the more joy naturally fills my world.

Have a wonderful weekend!

 

 

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The View From Here: On Being a Jewish Mother

Today’s post is up at Jennifer Hall’s blog, Dancing in the Rain.  Jennifer runs a guest post series called “The View From Here.”

I am humbled and honored that Jennifer chose to include my post, On Being a Jewish Mother as this week’s feature.

Please stop on by and take a read!

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